No More Nursing

My boobs closed up shop over 9 days ago. If you had told me back before I had a kid that I would be breast feeding my baby successfully and happily until he was past 16 months old I would never have believed you. It's not that I was ever anti-breast feeding, I just never thought about it. But that is exactly what happened. Nursing was not always easy, and especially during those first few difficult months it never occurred to me that I'd still be doing it over a year later. And yet.... despite all the curve balls and different challenges I made it an incredible 16 and a half months.

Back at the start there were the sleepless nights, the sore cracked nipples, the clogged ducts, the inability to drink and take medications whenever I wanted or needed to. After the nighttime feedings ended came the teeth, the fidgeting, and the feet in my mouth. But it did get easier, we got into a groove. There were days when I didn't think I had the patience to get through a nursing session, but overall nursing my son has been a great privilege and I feel lucky to have been able to.

I was sad last weekend when I stopped. It's bittersweet. I felt lost for the first few days, unsure of how to comfort him. How do I put him to sleep without whipping out the boobs? It's been easier for him than for me. He seems not to notice that I'm no longer offering the breast to him, and he's not once asked for it. He used to bring the boppy over to me whenever he was tired and wanted to go to sleep. He'd nurse down to a nap or for the night, and always right when he got up in the morning. He'd let Todd put him to sleep at night or for a nap without nursing, so we knew it wasn't a must, just a preference. All we did was hide the pillows and started to offer a cup of (soy or almond or cow) milk to him when he was obviously tired and it worked. He's fine with it. He accepts the cup of milk and lets us cuddle and rock him and sing to him before going to sleep. And I've only cried a little bit. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it, but I am a little sad that he's quite obviously not my little baby anymore. But at the same time, it's nice to have my breasts back to myself. After the initial swelling and engorgement ended and I no longer had to stuff cabbage leaves down my bra it's gotten easier. I'm less sad about it, and I make sure to get a little extra cuddle time whenever I can.